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Raising Jack: To bully or be bullied? No: to be respected.
By RickMeasham | July 13, 2008
As Jack starts at day-care tomorrow, I think about the years and years of education ahead of him and ponder my own time in the education system.
I was talking to Fatima of my belief that there are two roles Jack might take at school, and she pointed out a third. My two involve being noticed: the bully and the bullied. But Fatima points out that there is a third, those that aren’t bullies or bullied. Though I’d class those as ‘not noticed’ — those that “fly under the radar”.
What would I prefer?
That’s a difficult question. Of course, on the surface of it, I’d hate for him to be the bully. But then as I was bullied throughout my school life, there’s no way I’d want him to be the bullied — to the point where I will be as involved as I can in every school he is at in order to affect the most pressure on the system to care for him better than I was cared for.
So do I want him to fly under the radar and go un-noticed? No, not really. To be unnoticed is too close to being insignificant. I want a life of significance for Jack. I want him to be a man that men respect.
With that in mind, if I could control everything in Jack’s life, I’d want him to pick a fight with the toughest guy in school on the first day. It doesn’t matter if he wins or loses, so long as he doesn’t go on fighting on the second day. Once someone shows they’ve been willing to fight, the typical bully will tend to avoid them alone and go after easier prey. Jack would ideally then become the oil-on-choppy-seas and possibly the protector of the bullied.
But I don’t control every moment of his life, so I must just ensure I’m there for him all the time — no matter what role he takes on. I will encourage him to fight back (no matter that that is seen by school policy to be ‘wrong’. And I will encourage him, once he has the respect, to always lead by word and by example.
My number one goal in life is this: That I raise Jack to be a man of significance.
Topics: Jack | 2 Comments »
July 13th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I’m of the (semi-firm
belief that there’s a fourth option: people in Jack’s school are not so clear cut as to the roles described above and overall nice kids. Jack becomes significant by being intelligent, willing to help, resourceful and fun.
His significance would then also stem from never having had to choose between the bully, bullied or insignificant and going his own path.
As a kid I did have my hopes up for a fifth option which involved becoming a superhero… but with increasing age, it looks less and less likely to happen. So, all in all, I would much rather recommend Jack to go for the fourth option outlined above
July 13th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
There’s always that hope that there won’t be any bullies and that everyone will be taken on merit. I guess I’m just going on my own experience of schools.
Any yes, it would be my hope that Jack’s significance comes from his intelligence, willingness to help other and his fun attitude, no matter how many options there are.
Of course, if the super-hero option *does* become available, I’ll be pushing him towards that.
Luckily I have 4+ years before his first day at school … and a lifetime to teach him to be significant at whatever he sets his mind to.